Part 1: Pursuing the Heart
But First…
The Cries of Hearts
A while back, my sweet, bubbly daughter became unrecognizable overnight. Highly reactive behavior and overwhelming emotion caused warning lights to flash in my own brain. We’d walked this road before - my sweet girl was in the throes of a PANDAS flare. My mind raced through the needed protocols and therapies, and searched for any recent exposures that could have caused the inflammation.
Then the Lord stopped me.
His holy whisper to my own heart: Ask her if she needs to forgive.
I pulled my girl to me, and we walked through her emotional hurts and anyone she felt angry with - especially her older brother. Not surprisingly, she was holding on to the most anger towards him, she had been the most reactive to his provoking.
As she released that anger from her heart and prayerfully forgave those she felt had hurt her, the inflammation released its grip on her heart, and mind, as well.
The anger and aggression that looked so clearly like another round of PANDAS? Stopped in its tracks. Never a new supplement, never a new treatment.
Simply an act of obedience, and a prayer spoken to her heart.
Have we needed physical support and healing for her health? Absolutely. But in that moment I noticed a shift in my own heart. After months of caring for her pressing physical needs, I had begun to jump right to the physical with her cries for help, bypassing her tender heart and her weary soul.
Not every ache or pain we treat as mothers will be fixed with a bandaid, supplement, or therapy. In fact, most days we will triage their aching hearts. But to be a mother that can reach the hearts of her children, we must first heal and strengthen our own.
You Were Made for This
First, let me encourage you with one very important truth: you know your child’s heart better than anyone else on this earth. You were made for this job. And the Lord gave you this child for a reason. But when we are weighed down with physical needs, for both ourselves and our children, it is incredibly difficult to pause and take into account what their hearts may cry out for.
From the day these sweet babes were placed in our arms, we have trained ourselves to be hyper-attentive to what statistics tell us and what labs are reporting, and then apply the black and white solution of a product, supplement, treatment, or therapy. But if we can train ourselves to respond to physical needs, we can equip our hearts to seek their hearts, too.
A Heart on Life Support
In the same way we have spent years practicing meeting the endless physical demands of motherhood, we have often put that list of demands before our own well-being. Just as most of us have heard the “airplane-oxygen mask” analogy, of putting on your oxygen mask before that of your child so that you can be able to care for them, the same is true for matters of the heart.
A mother without oxygen can’t save her child’s life in an emergency.
A mother with an empty cup, cannot pour into her children.
And a mother with a heart in desperate need of healing must first find healing before she can pursue the same for her children.
A mother’s heart cannot be life-giving to her child, if she is barely clinging to life, herself.
Jesus: Your Heart’s Source of Life
Identifying life-giving sources for our own hearts is a critical first step in pursuing the hearts of our children. But, dear mother, be careful in this pursuit. The world, the internet, friends, spouses, and even well-meaning practitioners are full of empty promises and resources that will fall short for your ailing heart. In fact, those we love the most are often the most willing to sit in the ashes of misery with us.
Run to Jesus, first.
He is now and always has been the ONE true source that overflows.
Psalm 127 tells us:
“Unless the Lord builds the house,
those who build it labor in vain.
Unless the Lord watches over the city,
the watchman stays awake in vain.
2
It is in vain that you rise up early
and go late to rest,
eating the bread of anxious toil;
for he gives to his beloved sleep.”
If we don’t invite the Lord in to heal our homes, our hearts, our children, our efforts will always fall short. Don’t strive in vain and waste precious time in anxiety. He cares for you, for your children, and will give you the rest your soul needs.
Healing Your Heartache
Get in the WORD, daily, momma. If you aren’t anchoring your day in scripture and prayer, I can promise you the rest will always feel out of place. I understand it can be hard to get up early and devote those early morning hours, right out of the gate. But the Lord can meet you wherever you are. If naptime is your quiet time, go for it. Read your Bible, dive into scripture. Start with Psalm 127, if it has been a while and you need a good place to dive in.
PRAY, dear momma. Open the door of your home to the Lord’s presence every single day. Ask Him to order your steps, to teach you to number your days, and to give you a heart of wisdom. We are the gatekeepers of our homes, and when we align our hearts with the Lord’s purpose for our day, we change the tone of the day for all who live under our roof.
Then, WORSHIP. Praise Him in words or music. A “joyful noise” does wonders to soften a heavy heart. And a smile and soft answer will speak volumes to your child’s heart.
Can you picture yourself in joyful worship, through your child’s eyes? How would that look different from their view today?
And finally, pursue HEALING. There are undoubtedly traumas and pain points that threaten to steal your worship. Generational pain can feel like a burden on our backs and shoulders that we struggle to release. Find a church in your area that offers healing prayer, and if you can’t - reach out to me. I’d love to spend time in healing prayer for your heart.
Because, dear momma, we are raising warriors. And to raise warriors, we must be strong of heart ourselves.
Finding the Heart Village: Mentor Moms
Of course, not all of us have examples in our lives of mothering from this place of healing. But we aren’t alone, and we aren’t without guidance. James 3:17 says, “But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.”
The Lord has called you to Biblical motherhood, and He will absolutely not leave you as you walk through it.
And after you have first gone to the source for guidance, there are times it is helpful to see mentor moms that are pursuing the hearts of their children - either in the trenches of the toddler years, or a few steps ahead in adulthood. Either way, it can be helpful to see mothers that are walking in healing and in pursuit of the hearts of their children, daily.
It may take time to find a community of like-hearted mommas around you, but as you build that community and surround yourself with these voices, don’t forget the influence the media and books you consume can have on the attitude of your heart.
Wisely search for mentor women, like Sally Clarkson, and her books, podcast, and blog on pursuing and nurturing our children’s hearts on a practical, daily level.
Sally speaks to the soul care we need as mothers to weather the storms of difficult seasons. Those all-consuming moments that can sometimes threaten to break our hearts in our mothering days, and her words are a balm to those that may need a mentor momma.
Books by Sally Clarkson:
Desperate:Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe
Awaking Wonder: Opening Your Child’s Heart to the Beauty of Learning
The Lifegiving Home: Creating a Place of Belonging and Becoming
Help, I'm Drowning: Weathering the Storms of Life with Grace and Hope
And as you step out in healing, sweet momma, you will be ready to speak to the heart of your child and transform their healing, as well. Continue to surround yourself with voices that echo: motherhood is a divine calling. Good, pure, and beautiful. Heart-wrenching and tough? Yes, absolutely.
But oh, so holy.
And with our whole hearts, we are ready to strengthen the hearts of our young warriors.
How can I pray for your heart, momma? What condition is your heart in? I challenge you this week to seek healing prayer, commit to a daily time with Lord, or take steps to surround yourself with faithful, like-hearted moms.
