Part 3: Pursuing the Heart
How to Start Your Family on the Path to Healing
When your children think back on their childhood years, what do you hope will be their most precious and fondest memories?
I bet that a good portion of us are not convinced that the modern standard of racing from one activity to the next, drive-thru dinner, and rushed evenings of homework and preparing for the next day are what we are hoping they will hold in their hearts. But haven’t we been told this is the standard? If we don’t sign them up, line them up, fill them up with all of the activities and opportunities we possibly can, aren’t we setting them up to “fall behind” or “miss out?”
Mommas, you know in your hearts that this mission you have been called to is counter-cultural. Making space to heal their bodies and pursue their hearts, making the choice to set them up for a lifetime of thriving, may also mean making hard choices and “missing out.”
It may mean a “no” now to something that once was good, but making space in your lives for something greater.
We have done the work on our hearts. We understand the importance of the task at hand. Our hearts and minds are readied. So now, let’s dig in. Let’s get after it. We know we were made for exactly this purpose, and the Lord has given us these exact children for a reason. So let’s get after the details of HOW we start the process of pursuing heart connections and healing in our homes and children.
Address the Spirit, Then the Body
Before we ask our children to enter into a life-changing therapy, mindset, or lifestyle change with us, we have to ensure that a foundation of trust is established in our relationships. Like reaching out your hand and asking them to physically join you, changes in lifestyle or spiritual health are asking them to come alongside you and join you in a process they may not fully understand yet. Involving them in the process, making them active participants in their health journey, and giving them confidence to approach the throne of God in prayer at a young age all build powerful habits and trust in the Lord, their parents, and the healing process.
A physical checklist is a great option for our families in need of healing or making lifestyle changes. From pictures and sticker charts for pre-readers, to physical checklists with room for a practice of daily gratitude and independent prayer time for older kids and teens. I have charts I offer to all of my clients (book an appointment here), to help their children understand why they are making the changes we have asked them to make. Sometimes these changes are as impactful as removing a favorite, but inflammatory, food. Other times it is helping them to understand that a daily supplement may not taste the best or be convenient to remember, but it is helping to heal them in a way that is important for their bodies. Then initiating the routine of quiet time with the Lord starts that early process of mending and healing their hearts. Giving them the trust and confidence that if they bring ANY issue - physical or emotional - He cares for them. There is no issue too small, and this simple act of prayer is both powerful and healing.
They need only ask.
Next, never underestimate the power of joy and laughter on this healing journey. We went deeper into the ways joy and laughter have been proven to provide healing and restoration in my last post (check it out - Part 2: Pursuing the Heart). But even beyond that physical healing, enjoying and delighting in our children reminds them that they are not a burden. No matter the illness, the emotional struggle, or the spiritual distance. To smile and ENJOY our children is to remind them that we are with them. We are FOR them. When they trust, and know it is our delight to care for them, they enter into the harder seasons with strength and endurance. It is not an “us versus them” over foods or behaviors. Instead, it is an “us for them” in all things.
“People often ask me what our secret was for influencing our children. This is the secret: loving them well, generously, all the time, in every situation.”
-Sally Clarkson
This also reminds our children that no matter the behavior or difficult season, they are never too much for us. We are their soft, safe place to land. We are their connection and their safe place of belonging. We are home. For so many children that are in need of healing, it has been a long road for parents and children seeking answers and help from doctors, practitioners, teachers, and counselors. The frustration and exhaustion with the process can be misread as frustration or exhaustion with THEM. Consistently speaking to their hearts, caring for our own hearts, and reminding them that we understand that we have been designed for this fight by their sides, helps our sweet, young fighters not grow weary of the effort. And, more importantly, not fear that we are going to grow weary of them.
Start With the Foundations
When our children realize we are for them, and not against them, moving onto the next steps is so much smoother. One of the biggest hurdles we face with our children is making sure we have a solid foundation of nutrition. As soon as possible, begin to talk with your children about eating the rainbow. Offer real foods, whole foods, in all colors as often as you can and continue to involve them. Bring them in the kitchen, ask them for their favorites, and share with them how these foods heal and nourish. It can be hard for little minds to understand fully what “because it's healthy” means. But if we offer instead, “red foods help your heart” or “carrots make your eyes stronger,” we can ask them to enter in with understanding, even when the change can feel hard.
Next, get moving! All together! There’s no denying meal times can be tough - but movement together? That can be so much fun. There is so much opportunity for joy and connection when you play together as a family. And at the same time, we start to build a foundational understanding in our children of how our bodies work. We can keep those bodies moving well throughout childhood and the teen years with the support of chiropractic care when they are out of alignment, proper shoes or toe spacers, running barefoot, and then wrapping it up with a solid night of sleep.
When we play hard, we sleep hard. No doubt about it. When kids are able to move and burn their energy thoroughly through the day, their natural circadian rhythm kicks in and they go to sleep faster, and sleep deep, restorative sleep.²
For even more impact, get moving outside. There is nothing that can replace the impact of getting out in nature. Head out early in the day because this communication with their internal clocks is critical for establishing healthy rest rhythms. Also, outdoor play ANY time of day impacts the development of healthy eyesight, a strong immune system², physical balance, information and risk processing, and even impacts mood and behavior. Check out 1000 Hours Outside and print fun trackers to count the hours your family spends outdoors and set goals for this life-changing habit. Don’t worry or overthink it, either. Unstructured play outside is essential for helping children use their imaginations and even helps development of brain integration, new skills, risk assessment, and communication.¹
And finally, I can’t stress enough the value of making space for childhood. We are the gatekeepers, mommas. We are the calendar, fillers, too. Make space. Be prepared to say the hard “no” to good things to make space for greater things: unstructured play, boredom and creativity, getting muddy and exploring outside, home-cooked meals, and a good night’s sleep. There is so much value in the margin we create for them to just be children. When we start to run ragged, and when we over commit them as well, they feel and show the stress, too. Too many meals on the go, too many late nights, or even just the stress of too many expectations can wear our families down faster than any toxin or illness. Be strong enough to guard these precious days of their childhood, and you will be shocked at the restoration you can see on their bodies and spirits.
“Dear friend, don’t let the bustling culture determine the needs of your own children. You get to choose how they grow up. You can protect their time, energy, and imagination. You are the gatekeeper of the garden of their childhood.”
-Ainsely Arment, The Call of the Wild and Free
Enjoy the Journey
And last thing, momma. Don’t forget to enjoy the journey. Will there be bumps in the road? Absolutely. We are promised exactly that. But don’t give up when setbacks and pushback threaten. Persevere. Press on. Let go of the need for perfection and pray for the Lord to fill the gaps. The health of your family is worth it, and I know in time they will see and feel the difference themselves. Health changes are compounding. And though you may have days that feel “less than,” keep your eyes on the big picture. The small things are adding up. Use those setbacks to learn, and then keep on.
The Next Right Thing
Alright, so what’s it going to be? Pick one and dive in! And then when that becomes easy, add another, and then add another, and another- until you find yourself walking in peace and confidence on this life-long journey. You’ve got this. And you aren’t alone on the journey. Commit this to the Lord, and share it with other mommas on the same path. Let’s get started transforming the next generation.
I’d love to hear where you are starting! Let me know! Comment here or on Instagram to let us know where YOU are starting this life-changing journey to pursue the hearts and healing of your children.
Sources:
https://www.brainbalancecenters.com/blog/brain-body-benefits-outdoor-play
https://www.nwf.org/~/media/PDFs/Be%20Out%20There/BeOutThere_GreenTimeforSleepTimeReport_September2011.ashx